As a society, we’ve generally just agreed that being needy is ugly. Ain’t that poor? Society, go to your room and think about what you’ve done. Don’t make me come up there.
Needy girlfriends, needy friendships, needy dogs pawing at you for another crispy pig’s ear every three seconds, it’s something we’ve come to define as unpalatable. Insufferable, even.
I, however, am the opposite of needy. I don’t want for much and I don’t crave the emotional company of others. I’m a dust yourself off and get on with things (alone) kinda girl.
By that definition, some may label me as an introvert but actually, I’m the stark opposite of that in all other areas of my life (there’s a reason why several friends have tagged me in that meme with the drunk girl swinging a toilet seat around her neck. That ME).
I’m silly. I’m the prankster, I have a laugh like a dehydrated sea lion, but when it comes to my emotional admin, I lean into myself for clarity, rarely calling on others for support.
Claire Obeid discusses the oversimplification between the introvert and extrovert dichotomy perfectly here and I agree with everything she lays out in her post.
I like navigating on my own, overcoming obstacles and not relying too heavily on others to help me get there. It’s empowering. But, and there is a but, leaning on others and needing someone else doesn’t make over-coming those difficulties any less of an achievement.
Possessing a willingness and a humility to understand yourself is one of the most beautiful instincts we, as sensitive ol’ humans, have and while you and you alone may have an unmatched awareness and connection towards your sense of self, you need others to give you the subliminal meaning.
To add colour to an otherwise very monochrome view. To be the human autocue when your mind just decides to say nah, hun I’m not getting this AT ALL.
Needing someone, exposing your vulnerability and ‘fessing up your inhibitions? That’s fucking beautiful and it’s entirely necessary for your wellbeing.
My friends make me, me. They influence me in ways they aren’t even aware of and I owe it to them to need them back, as I hope they need all over me, too.
The same goes for mums, dads, boyfriends – all of them – but that female bond is a particularly powerful one.
There’s no shame in recognising that your go-to coping mechanisms are not enough. For the most part, maybe, they are but on occasion, they simply can’t and won’t be sufficient.
In those times, you have my full permission to activate your needy mess button.
I’m not going to pretend I’m ok with vulnerability, I’m definitely not, and I still pride myself on my ability to just ‘cope’ but, in what has been quite the Ronan Keating-shaped roller coaster of a five months, I can openly say that for once the ‘me, myself and I’ I have so heavily relied on in the past, was not enough.
Me, myself and I is quite the trio but ultimately, however you dress it up, it’s still only little ol’ you, flying solo.
It’s been quite nice – not sure nice is the right word but whatever – for my closest friends to experience a side to me that even I didn’t know was in there. Let’s all take a moment to welcome that girl into the group. She’s got an ugly cry face, so yeah, good luck with trying to console THAT.
I know how much I weirdly enjoy being needed and you know what? Needing others is just as inspiring and enriching in its own little way, too. There’s this feeling of naked honesty that you don’t get from internalising things and while I don’t claim I’m about to be throw myself on the floor in the middle of Primark and thrash around in a seizure of tears, I’m certainly more open to admitting defeat, picking up the phone and sharing my ugly, swollen cry face with those who love me the most.
Being needy? It’s liberating, sometimes.
Love you bye.
Photography by Olivia Foley
Skirt: Na-kd Fashion
Jacket: Charity shop, similar here
Earrings: H&M, similar here
Sunglasses: H&M, similar here