I’d like to dedicate this post to my décolletage, because you young lady have been hiding away under turtle necks and tights that go up to my earlobes for what seems like foreverrrr. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the area south of my chin(s) needs all the support it can get, so giving me and it a lift all the way to Spring is really, really kind of you. As much as I count myself as fully-fledged knitwear devotee, there’s only so much armpit claustrophobia a girl can take – does anyone else get that? I get it in when I’m laying down in the bath because my arms are pinned by my sides. Or, when I’m laying on one side in bed and the side-down armpit just becomes too aware that it’s trapped, face down in a pillow. It’s kind of like when you become aware that your tongue is too big for your mouth. It’s knocking around by your bottom teeth like the tide, bashing gently against the back of your incisors. Welcome back to the madness my ol’ pals, has it really only been a week since I last projected all these LCisms onto you?
Sorry ’bout dat – every week I’m like, right Lareese, this time you’re just going to go straight in and talk about what you’re wearing mmmk? But, frankly, handing you my wardrobe on a plate and saying, ‘here you go, dig in’ just doesn’t appeal to me. I like to give you a few olives and garlic dough balls to chew on before I put my clavicle on the table, ya know, whet your appetite. Plus, I figured if I find those outfit posts for the sake of outfit posts boring, then you might agree with me. So here we are, dragging out my décolletage debut with yet more mumbo jumbo.
Right, collar bone where you at? I’d like to say this top was love at first sight, but that would be a lie. It was love at second sight because I did what I always do in Zara, I got carried away with a dress I’d never wear and ended up exchanging it for this tropical dream 4 days later. Hey, it all worked out in the end. I don’t tend to go for bright colours and bold prints nowadays, I’m kinda like the opposite of a bumble bee in that respect. And if I were a bumble bee, then I’d probably land on a nice soft pastel hydrangea or a sprig of gypsophila. This little purchase was way out of character, it’s like I said before in my how to style a winter jumper post – I just don’t know who I am in the summer. That’s me, the anonymous non-bumble bee ha. I think I’ve had too much chocolate tonight. In fact, I think I’ve had too much of a lot of things since Christmas tbh.
If the Zara site’s anything to go by, then this isn’t actually intended to be bardot, but if I can do bardot then I’m gonna do bardot, ya know? The sleeves are puffy and elaborate, they remind me of the dresses Cinderella’s ugly sisters were wearing in the traditional cartoon Disney film and the print… well, that reminds me of a shirt worn by Alfie Moon – apparently I have some very questionable style icons. Honestly, this blog teaches me so much about myself, i just never stop learning.
It was a scorching day in Brighton the weekend we shot this outfit, so I wore my Alfie Moon special alongside my almost-cheek baring Topshop A-line denim skirt (the one that did the rounds circa summer of 2015) and my new H&M nude court shoes. Oh, oh and my earrings. I feel like you can only really be a serious feminist if the Venus symbol is swinging from your ear lobes, right? I’ve also got one of those t-shirts with the nipples sketched on but thought the combination together would be too much and someone might chase me down the road demanding to Veet my unshaved armpits or something. Also, I need to retract that almost-cheek baring statement about the A-line denim skirt – my butt did come out when I knelt down. Do you wanna know how I knew it was out, like, really out? A couple walked past and the guy said to his gf/wife/woman not baring her arse cheeks, ‘look, her bum’s out’ and then accompanied it with a giggle. I should have been mortified, but part of me wanted to congratulate him for being so direct about it. Ok, over and out, I need to take a hot cloth cleanser to my colon after everything I’ve eaten this Easter. Love you bye, from me and my pigeon-chested clavicle and blushing butt cheeks.
Photography by Olivia Foley
Skirt: Topshop (similar here on Boohoo)
Earrings: H&M (in store)
Sunglasses: Ray Ban